im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
