i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The ass gains better be worth it
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