It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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