smell my finger.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
