you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
