i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
