giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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