yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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