And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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