Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
