She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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