I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
