Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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