hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
