I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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