Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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