I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
