How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
