The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
