So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
