Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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