having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
