She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
