and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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