i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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