i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
