the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
