i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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