Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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