Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
