remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
