the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize