That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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