It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
