I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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