The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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