My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
