R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize