my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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