Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
