I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
