I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
