I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize