How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
