I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
