How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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