RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
