Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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