chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
