what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
