we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
