so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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