he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize