Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
