there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
