I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My liver is preforming stress tests.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
