just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
