how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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