So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
