His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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