i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
