I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
