It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
