yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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