your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
