If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize