Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
