What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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