Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
COCAINE IS GR8
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
