my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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