I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
