Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
