Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
