So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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