In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
