It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
