Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
